Monday, July 4, 2011

Alone on the 4th of July

            Here it is, July 4th, and I am sitting in my house…alone.  It is a strange feeling as I hear the booming of fireworks off in the distance.  I don’t remember ever being alone on the 4th of July.  Hannah and I had planned to burn sparklers in the yard together, but then she decided at the last minute to stay with her dad and watch the neighbors in their development shoot off fireworks over the lake.  How can I compete with that? 

            I really didn’t think it would bother me.  In fact, I embrace the chance to be alone…as it is rare in the summer.  I finished writing my last paper for school, called my mom and then watched a movie at home in my pjs.  What could be better, right?  But then the popping of fireworks began, which reminded me of all the families and friends enjoying time together, and I all of a sudden felt lonely.  It just didn’t feel right. 

            I know I’ll be fine.  This holiday is not as important to me as so many others.  I just have a sense of uneasiness.  It seems there should be more to this day, a celebration.  I am a woman of traditions…love them!  I believe traditions are what hold a family together.  Last year, we were at my parents’ house on this day.  We went to the local fireworks display with my parents.  The year before, we were in Colorado at the cabin.  Hannah and I were alone, and she didn’t want to watch fireworks.  She was still scared of loud noises at that point.  The other family members went to watch fireworks, while we stayed at the cabin.  It was OK, because we were together, and we couldn’t hear the sound of fireworks way up in the mountains.  So, this is a new experience for me.