Thursday, December 4, 2014

The Loss of Financial Security

My, have things changed!  I chose to take a year off after graduating with my Master’s to get caught up on those things neglected over the past 3 years.  I could do this, because I worked hard and graduated 2 years early!  I had a plan.  I would take a year off and then start looking for a job to be working by the time the 5 years was up.  This is how long I was to get rehabilitative alimony from my ex.  Well, to my surprise, he decided all of a sudden to stop paying the alimony all together, setting a mediation date, hoping to change our divorce agreement.  I had already been looking for work at this time with no luck.  Of course, this sent me into a state of panic!  
With property taxes coming due, I needed that job more than ever!  Because I didn’t know I would lose my income, I didn’t plan ahead.  I went to interview after interview, every outcome the same, “You just don’t have enough experience.”  I guess education isn’t everything!!!  I started selling Hannah’s old clothes and some flower barrettes I was making.  I even babysat and cleaned houses, anything to make a buck.  Still, I was not going to be able to pay those property taxes.  
The Lord was certainly teaching me through this season.  I was so stressed and at my wits end!  I engrossed myself in my bible study searching for answers.  I saw myself in the waiting room trusting God’s plan, which this is all part of.  Unfortunately, my plan wasn’t God’s plan.  I just didn’t know what God had in store, but I had to trust Him blindly.  That’s FAITH!  
As I prayed for a miracle, I had to cut off all extra expenses and really pinch pennies.  I had to explain to Hannah why she may not have so many Christmas presents this year.  It can be unnerving watching her father spend money frivolously on himself and not thinking twice about his daughter.  His selfish nature sure showed its colors.  I found myself struggling just to buy groceries and gas!  Yet, I didn’t qualify for public aid since I had too many “assets”.  All I needed was a little boost for a short time, just to get by for now.  
Thankfully, my mother came through and loaned me the money to pay my property taxes.  This was a huge relief and blessing!  I also applied for an interest free for a year credit card to cover my expenses.  I hate to owe money, but I am on survival mode right now, and at least there is no interest.  Now I pray to have an income soon, so I can pay my debt and be able to support my family again.  
I pray that I will learn all that God is trying to teach me through this experience.  I have never had to struggle to this extent, at least not since I was out of college and had a family.  It is tough when something like your coffee maker breaks and you can’t afford to replace it.  I guess it could be worse!  
One thought that helps me when I get discouraged is to picture my bank account as the basket of bread and fish in the bible in Luke 9:16-17.  From one small basket of food, God fed 5000 people!  God is able to multiply what I have to provide for our every need.  He is still ABLE to work miracles!  
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”  God will provide that job in His perfect timing.  He has a plan even in this situation.  One day, I will recognize God’s hand in this.  For now, I must be patient, seek God, and trust in His plan.  I pray for wisdom and guidance…