Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

God allowed me to see what it's like to be in a relationship again.  He gave me a glimpse of what a good man looks like, that they are still out there.  I have no regrets.  We knew each other for 6 months before it had to end.  A friend introduced us, which was really nice.  We were friends for 3 months before taking the next step.  For 4 months, I had a real boyfriend.  I believe he was in my life to help me to heal in a way I could never do by myself.  I was able to learn to trust a man again.  I allowed myself to be vulnerable.  He was there to protect me and take care of me.  He was my companion for a time.

Sadly, it had to end, not due to either of us, but due to his ex.  She was persistent on making his life miserable by hurting those around him.  In the process, she hurt her own daughter worse of all and continues to do so.  It is more than I can bare to take on someone else's ex drama.  The Lord knows I have enough of my own!  

I'm thankful, though, for the strength God gave us to remain pure during our relationship.  This made a break up much more bearable.  I can see how that emotional bond could make a couple stay together for the wrong reasons.  I also learned that a man CAN wait, as he has.  Now I know for a fact if someone pushes me, they aren't worthy of me.  

I'm left wondering now, as I sit alone, will I ever meet that special someone who God has for me?  Will I meet him in time to be able to have a family with him?  I guess those are questions that can not be answered.  I just have to trust that God's plan is the best possible plan.  I also wonder if I could possibly find a man with little to no baggage at this age.  I figure, I'll have to wait for a widower, sadly.  The options I see are, they have never been married, which makes me wonder…what's wrong with him???  Or they are divorced, which means either they have issues or their ex does, both of which would affect me.  There will likely be other kids involved, which also causes complications with the blended family situation.  

But…that's all in the future.  One step at a time.  For now, I'm alone and single once again.  I became good at it, so I can do it again.  I will miss the companionship of having "someone".  I will miss all that he did for me…mowing, trimming, washing, cooking, any hard work that needed to be done.  He never wanted me to over exert myself.  Now, I'll be back to doing it all.  But I can do it, as I've done before.  

The funny thing, is my relationship fell, but I'm OK.  I feel peace.  I know the Lord is protecting me.  I have prayed that God would give me clarity to know where to go with this relationship.  I prayed for Him to lead me to do all things His way, and not my own.  Well, God made it clear that this season has ended.  It was clear that there is no future for us, as I can no longer be around his daughter.  I told him if he has to choose between me or her, he must choose her.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  Being a parent is the most important job God can possibly give a person, I believe.  He must fight for his child.  I feel bad, because I can escape this woman's wrath, but he's trapped.  She will not stop till she hurts him and everyone he cares about.  I feel sorry for the innocent child, who is being brainwashed and taught to lie and who knows what else.  

I believe that God has a purpose even in this.  We just have to have faith and trust in His will.  We need to be still and wait upon Him to show us our path.  It's just that our paths are now separate.  So, once again, I'm alone and single.  I'm sad, but OK.  I trust that God has a plan for me still.  I will wait for it!  

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