Many have asked if I’ve been feeling better. The answer is YES, I have! I still have depression symptoms every now and then. But overall, I have more energy. In fact, I bought my very first lawn equipment last week. I am the proud owner of a shiny red mower (Lawn Boy), a weed whacker, a blower, an edger, a hedge trimmer, and a pole chain saw to trim tree limbs. I just came in from my 2nd round of mowing since last week. I’m trying to mow every week. It is HARD work, and I have a lot of respect for those who do this for a living. When I’m not working in my yard, I go walking in the neighborhood. So, I’ve been more active, which I think has helped my energy level.
I’ve also found it easier to concentrate for the most part, albeit not perfect. I’ve started reading a book called “Reframing Your Life, Transforming Your Pain into Purpose” by Stephen Arterburn. He is also the author of “Every Man’s Battle.” This was the last book our marriage counselor gave me before he died 2 days later. So, I thought I ought to read it. It’s supposed to help when you feel bound to events of your past. It’s not what happens to you, but how you see it that makes all the difference. It’s possible that you may be viewing your strengths as weaknesses and may have allowed weaknesses to define you. This book offers a fresh outlook. Reframing your life, as expressed in this book, involves a process of breaking down the barriers that prevent you from having a healthy perspective on your past, present, and future. You can finally learn to see your pain in a way that allows healing, traumas in a way that encourages restoration, and defining moments in a way that promotes a new perspective. I hope this book will help me to overcome obstacles and gain the insight to REFRAME MY LIFE.
Last week’s discussion in Divorce Care was loneliness. As usual, my first response on arrival was, “I don’t have a problem with this.” Usually I find out during the week of homework that I am going through exactly that, whether it is depression, anger, unforgiveness, etc. But while doing my homework for loneliness, I really didn’t have issues with that. However, I have my moments. I still am not able to go to a movie by myself or a show. For instance, “Les Miserables” is coming in January. I feel so sad that I don’t have anyone to go with. The tickets are $150 each, too! But this is something I’d be willing to save for if I had a companion to share it with me. But I don’t see myself enjoying this show alone. I’d say that this represents loneliness. Going to the movies doesn’t really bother me too much, because I know I can just rent the movie when it comes out on video. Netflix is a wonderful thing! But I have always enjoyed going to Broadway shows with someone special or even just a friend. But I have no one to go with; therefore, I will have to miss it. That makes me sad.
Over all, though, I’m doing well. I graduated from MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) yesterday. That was very sad. It is time to step into the next chapter of my life and become a single mom grad student. I can’t do things that focus solely on being a mom. MOPS was a wonderful thing for me as a stay-at-home mom. Last week, I went to 5 Bible Studies. I must start minimizing those studies, so that I have time to study for school.
I’ve also been toying with the idea of leading my very own Bible Study. I’m not sure if that is what God is telling me to do. I know God wants me to be in the “Breaking Free” study by Beth Moore. The problem is, several groups were doing this study this spring. So, I don’t know if anyone will be doing the study in the fall, nor do I know if anyone will really be interested in committing to this study if I do it, since most ladies I know have already done it. But that is the study I want to do in the fall, whether I lead it or go to someone else’s. I know that God will make everything clear when the time comes.