Friday, December 24, 2010

Alone On Christmas?

I've felt the depression bug, lately. I've had SOO much going on in my life all at once since Sept....nonstop. I started grad school, which was really hard by itself as a single mom! Then, I've had this 3 month battle trying to get my van back from a body shop, which has taken a lot of time, money and emotions. Now, I had this horrible spinal surgery right before Christmas, knowing I don't get my baby on Christmas day.

Let me just say, thank GOD for my mother!!!!!!! I would be a balling mess this week if she hadn't come to take care of everything. I really mean that. I was at some times, anyway. I've just been overwhelmed. The unknown is very difficult. My X also has been a jerk, but what's new.

My mom, though, has been here since last Friday. She came home right after I did from the hospital and agreed to stay until the day after Christmas, so I didn't have to be alone in this "state".

I'm unable to drive. Don't have a car, anyway. I would have to depend on others for groceries and would NOT have been able to have Hannah by myself all week, because I wouldn't have been able to take care of her. I can barely take care of myself! And I really wanted to spend this time with Hannah over the holiday even though I can't take her anywhere. Because of my mom, Hannah was with me all week, and spent some nights with her dad. Hannah helped my mom take care of sweet.

Anyway, I do know what it feels like to just want to give up! I have truly wanted to dig a hole to burry myself in. I needed an escape. And now, my photo printer broke. It's a $500 printer. I know that's not a necessity, but I'm a photographer and I do all my own printing at home. Photos are very important to legacy. It was just one more thing!

Ok, how about some good news! My lawyer picked up my van from the body shop and took it to a shop he trusts to get it looked over. That shop found some missed problems from the accident that still need to be fixed. I've had to put out about $5000 to get my van back! When I should have paid NOTHING out of pocket!

But just the fact that the van is out of the other body shop’s hands is SUCH a relief. We're suing them for $15000!!! I don't know if we'll win that much, but I sure hope to get my money back, at least. It'll be about a 6 mos fight, so this isn't over.

I will have Hannah Christmas afternoon, which I'm very thankful that he's allowing. My mom will leave Sun AM. I'm thankful for the small piece of Christmas I will get to spend with Hannah. I'm also thankful that my mom is here. YOU have no idea what that has meant to me! I will have to find a way to thank her properly, really. I don't know what I would have done without her.

These are the times where I miss having someone. Going through a surgery like this alone is not possible when you have a child...and pets, for that matter. But my mom stepped in to fill that void. Thanks, Mom!

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