Saturday, December 18, 2010

Can I Find the Blessings in All This???

This is the time of year when families celebrate Christmas with time together, gifts, food, and fun. And yet, I just had spinal surgery and am stuck at home in a neck brace. I have stitches across the front of my neck that reminds me of Frankenstein!!! Thankfully, my mom was able to come at the last minute. I was under the impression that it wouldn’t be so bad, well, it IS! I am in a lot of pain, and seeing the terrifying wound just makes it worse. Yes, finals are done. That was a big load off. But I’m still left with a difficult recovery from this surgery and still have no car, since the body shop is trying to steal it. I’m in the process of suing them. Everything has gone wrong all at once, and at such a special time of the year. Can I find the blessings in this?

Besides all that, Hannah will spend Christmas with her father, who has NEVER cared about celebrating Christmas before. It’s MY holiday! I’m the one with all the traditions. She says she wants to be with me on Christmas, but he won’t let her. Therefore, I will be left in this mess alone on Christmas.

I keep hoping and praying that my life will get better. This has been a tough year! I was divorced. I dealt with Hannah’s emotional instability after having to meet her dad’s girlfriend. I had two surgeries in the past 3 months. I started Grad School full time. I got in a car accident, which left my car in the hands of crooks, who I’m having to sue to get my car back. That battle has gone on for 3 months.

I really do need a brighter year. I would love to see better days….days of peace. This is my prayer. I pray for a peaceful new year. I pray that my neck will feel better, pain free. I pray that I will have my van back and I will win the lawsuit against the body shop. I pray that the classes I take in the spring will not be too challenging, and that I will learn a lot.

I’m just exhausted. I need a break from my own life. I just need peace.


  1. ooh Jess..I can relate to all you feel! There are moments..days...weeks..months..over the past several years that have just felt TOO much! The only hope I can give you, is that the way the BIG issues ultimately were resolved or overcome , was where my hope and peace was found! In looking back I see strength I did not know I had, help I did not expect, and hope that carried me through the next trial! I will be honest at tell you , that there were times I wished that I could live without some lessons for a while..I felt like I had learned enough..but thats not the way it seems to work! So for now, it feels, AND IS, bigger then you! But, in time you will see you were BIGGER then it, all along!

  2. I am praying for you! I know this is a hard time for you and I am so sorry!