I’m thrilled to say that the grades are in for my 2nd semester in Grad School. It took as many classes as they would allow, 4. I got 3 A’s and 1 A-. Not bad for a single mom with so much going on!!! I now have a 3.89 GPA. Who would have thought? Grad school can be really tough at time, but I’ve learned so much. I’m really enjoying it. I’m taking one summer class now and Process Group. Summer is at a slower pace, which is nice, since Hannah is with me all summer. I hope to get another A in this summer class!
From what I understand, I will start my internship next fall. I’m choosing to wait until after summer, so I have one more summer home with Hannah before having to put her in a camp of some kind. This summer she is very adimate about not leaving my side for any extracurricular activity. She wants to be in “Mommy Camp” only! Well, that’s all right with me.
I know it’s premature, but I’m already dreading having to work. Next fall, I’ll be working and going to school with my unpaid internship. Just having classes is hard enough. Then I’ll have to add 20 hrs of work to my week, too! I try really hard to not worry about it yet, being a year away. I want so much to give Hannah my all.
I also realize that working has its place, too. I think of it as, “God has bigger plans for me, even beyond just Hannah’s life.” Working as a counselor will allow me to help and influence many more people. Although Hannah is the most important person in my life, there are many more out there the just may need someone like me. Besides, it’ll be good for her to see me in a career helping people. It may even be good for her to NOT be the only thing in my life. She now has me almost all to herself. That can be a wonderful thing! But it can also be bad. Hannah needs to know that my world will not always revolve around her alone.
But still, just writing this, I take a deep breath of regret. I want to be that mom that is always there for her daughter. I want her to come home to a peaceful home, not a stressed out mom. I know that working is tiresome. I want to have energy to give at the end of the day.
Change is hard sometimes. This one will be a BIG transition in my life, which may be one of the hardest. I foresee the valley approaching. But I know, like always, God will walk hand in hand with me through that valley. He will also walk with Hannah and bring her comfort when she feels distant from me. He will take us both through that season, and eventually, it’ll be our new routine. We will both have to adjust. As usual, I can only do my very best….