Sunday, July 18, 2010

Over It...or NOT?

It’s been a particularly difficult weekend. Just when I thought I was doing really well on my own, grief hits once again. I discovered my X’s plans to have an “eventful” get-away this weekend, if you know what I mean. I try to tell myself, “He’s not my husband. It shouldn’t bother me. His lifestyle is his business.” But that knot deep in my gut won’t go away. I’m just disgusted with the thought of what he’s doing. This is the father of MY child! How could he behave like this? And this is the same kinds of stuff he did while we were married, while I was home caring for our daughter.

I can’t even imagine dating, myself, let alone doing the kinds of things HE’s doing! How can someone I married be so shallow? Someone used the word “JERK”. I think that’s being nice. Plus, he chose to go away this weekend knowing that Hannah and I leave town for 2 wks next weekend. It will have been a month since he’d spent any time with her. But he didn’t even care. He loves his sickness more than his daughter….so sad.

He also got a job, so he doesn’t see Hannah much during the week now. We are on an every other weekend schedule.  Since then, Hannah doesn’t even ask for him anymore. She’s grown used to not seeing him anymore. I expect this will get more and more common.

I’m thankful for the time I have with her. I just know the importance of a good father-daughter relationship. I fear how his behavior may affect her. But I know that God is in control, and he will protect her from all of this.  In the mean time, I pray that God will help me to separate my heart from his affairs.  I don't want to feel anything anymore...having to do with him.

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