Wednesday, July 21, 2010

After Some Thought

It’s been a difficult week. Hannah and I leave town for Colorado for 2 weeks this Sat. Yet, my X chose not to spend last weekend with her. He only sees her every other weekend now, since he found a job. Instead, he chose to leave town to live up his “double life”. He chose his sickness over his daughter! It will have been a MONTH since he had a weekend with her, when he finally gets her again.

I feel sick deep down in my gut. I feel disgusted with him. She wanted to see him, and he was “unavailable” as he put it. She called him Sat, obviously interrupting. She asked a lot of questions about where he was and who he was with. He stumbled all over his words trying to make up an answer. I believe she could tell he was lying to her. It was so pitiful to listen in. The thought of him makes me physically ill.

This week, I’ve held a lot of bitterness. I know that is wrong, but I can’t help it. I’ve been deep in prayer that I’ll be able to let this go. Why does this bother me so much? He can tell that I’ve been short with him this weekend, but I’ve refrained from telling him why. If I tell him it’s about his affairs last weekend, he’ll just get all defensive and we’ll fight. Besides, he’s right. It’s none of my business. Then why does it hurt so badly!?!?!?!?! I don’t want to feel anything anymore.

So, I’ve been tough on him this week. He called Mon night after work wanting Hannah that night. I told him, NO. He must make arrangements in advance if he wants to see her. So, I’m giving him Wed night, by his request. But he also wanted Fri night. We leave early Sat morning, so I refused. So, it wanted to take her to dinner Fri night. I refused again, stating that he gets home too late from work and she must be in bed by 8pm. Then he asked if he could just come by to see her. I refused yet again, saying that I didn’t want him in my house or anywhere around me. At that point, he got angry and told me that it wasn’t right for me to keep Hannah away from him the day before we leave for 2 wks.

After some thought and counsel from a really good friend, I realized he was right. What if he was taking Hannah away for two weeks? I would want to see Hannah the day before she leaves. So, how do we work this out? My brilliant friend came up with him taking Hannah quickly for ice cream after work. So, this was my offer under one condition. She must be back home by 7 pm, so she can take her bath and be in bed by 8 pm.

I knew I might have been responding out of anger. I’m sure deep inside, I wanted to punish him for his choices. But is this the right thing to do….even if it subconsciously? That’s why it’s important, when going through something so emotional like this, to talk to your friends about decisions you’ve made. It’s important to have objective accountability partners who have like minds. I’m very thankful that my friend set me straight. I definitely couldn’t do it alone. And I even felt better after writing him a short email explaining my new decision, after some thought. It wasn’t what I wanted to do. But it was the right thing to do.

1 comment:

  1. I myself am I a daughter of divorced parents. All thought it happened a long time ago. I was old enough to understand. One thing I will tell you, for your daughters sake. It may break your heart as much as hers. But when he is being careless with your daughters feelings. Absolutely DO NOT under any circumstances make any excuses for him to spare her feelings. Trust me, if it continues, she will thank you in the long run. I wish you both the best of luck with all of this. I know its incredibly hard. I watched my mom go through it with my sister and I. My father wanted nothing to do with us when my parents were together, let alone when they split. But again, I've been there. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to write. :)