Monday, January 24, 2011

The Desire is Back

I'm feeling better everyday, just accepting the whole engagement thing. Thank God it isn't a situation of wanting him back. I feel sorry for this other woman!!! She has NO idea what's coming! It makes me laugh to think about it. But Hannah is no laughing matter. I love her more than life itself!!! I would die for her in a hearbeat! And she knows it.

On a different note, in church on Sunday I held my friend's baby girl, while she took her son to the bathroom. She's just over 1 yr old. I sang and rocked her back and fourth. Do you know how long it's been since I've been able to hold a baby?!?!?!?! Before my spinal surgery, I was in too much pain. And I'm known to be a baby stealer. Anyway, she fell asleep in my arms. I was in HEAVEN! Made my day!!!!! That was the morning I found out about the engagement. I so needed that! I started to cry. Holding her made me think of when I did the same every Sunday morning with Hannah when she was a baby. Could this be God's way of telling me that He has a whole other life for me....that I will still find a good husband and even have another baby? I also didn't have Hannah with me that Sunday, knowing she was with the fiance. I was hurting. I missed her and worried about her.
Let me tell you, I was tempted to keep that baby! After all, she is my God-daughter anyway!!! She is beautiful. I've been trying to hide my desire for another baby with pets. I've adopted 2 pets in the last year, and am looking for another kitten! I guess nothing can EVER replace a baby. Who knows what God has in store. The Lord knows, there’s still time.

This photo is of Hannah around that age. 

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