Sunday, April 17, 2011

I Met His Fiance and Lived

Oh, last week I was in panic mode. My X and I have been seeing a counselor, who suggested that I get to know the fiance before they get married and before Hannah spends time with her any more. Well, she was to go to see Wicked with her dad, fiance and her daughter over the weekend. We started by the fiance calling me, which didn’t go well.

First off, I was a nervous WRECK, to say the least! The plan was to stick to Hannah and stay off the subject of her relationship with my X. It was going fine, when she asked, “Do you have any questions for me?” My question was, “When and where did you meet my X?” She stubled all over not wanting to answer. I took this as she was witholding simple information, which meant, she must have known him before we were married. I had suspected that she may have been one of the women he was involved with before.

I was out of my mind at this point vowing to keep my daughter from her at all costs! How could I allow some prostitute to help raise my child?!?!?! But we still had the problem of this show Hannah’s been looking forward to for months. I couldn’t tell her she wasn’t going. So, I agreed to let her go ONLY to the show. My X wanted to have her longer. I refused….ONLY the show! He was NOT happy. Then I told him what I was upset about. He, of course denied that she was one of them. I told him I couldn’t trust EITHER of them!

The day of the show, the fiance drove down from Orlando and I met with her for 2 hours at Starbucks, which my X took the girls to Chick Filet. I was on the verge of a panic attack, although I was trying my hardest to stay calm. She was waiting for me inside alone. She came out to greet me. I decided to focus on her, to find out who she is. I discovered that she was born here in Miami, but has lived in Orlando for 11 years. She really likes it there, and it was apparent she will miss everything about living there when she moves here to get married. Her family is from Argentina. She lived there for a while.

Currently, she’s working on her Bachelor’s, has 1 ½ yrs left, studying business/marketing. She has been a realtor. She lives with her mom. She has family in South FL. She was never married, but lived as a family with her daughters father, until he cheated on her. So, she claimed that she would NEVER have broken up a marriage and absolutely was not one of the women my X was with when we were married. At least she does know he was with a lot of women. Poor na├»ve girl… She did share with me that they met on July 4, 2010 at the beach. She was there with her mom and cousin visiting. I decided it’s in my best interest to assume she’s telling the truth. I’ll never really know what the real truth is, anyway. And it doesn’t matter. What matters is, she’s going to marry him anyway. I need to be “friendly” with this woman.

She seemed very calm and confident. From what she said, I believe that she hopes to change her new husband, knowing that he gets “frusterated” often, which she called it. Oh, little does she know…. But her calm demeaner can only help him to relax, which I’ve decided could just be an asset to me. In fact, after talking to her, I’d rather talk to her than him!

She also told me that her parents divorced when she was 18. So, she has experience in a step-family that worked well. She actually brought up God and that she’s Catholic. We talked about how it looked like God gave her the experience with a step-family knowing that she would be placed in the middle of this now. This brough GREAT peace over me! I realized at that moment that God is still in control, even in this. He has orchestrated it all. He does still have a plan! Who knows, maybe she’ll be able to get through to my X, or at least be a buffer between me and him. I decided to see her as a blessing, not a curse.

The fiance is the kind of person that if I would have met her under different circumstances, we might be friends. We’ve already made plans for the next time she comes to do something, just the 4 girls. My X is NOT invited, of course! She said that she hopes to have a really good relationship with me for Hannah. She also hopes that Jady and I will also improve our relationship. I can picture her behind the scenes encouraging my X to behave well with me. It’s like I’ve got a cheer leader on the inside…just maybe.

I’d rather try to look on the bright side than focus on the negatives. I’d rather see her as an asset, and not an enemy. I am determined to form a healthy relationship with my X’s fiance for Hannah’s sake. This is an example of a mother’s sacrifice. I didn’t want to do any of this. This was VERY scary! I did it for HER, and only for HER! I would do anything for Hannah. This could be SOOO much worse! I am thankful…


  1. I am proud of you! it is for Hannah! and she will be better for this..and in the long run SO will you!! I am so glad you found a little peace...!!

  2. He's still in control! Hannah has a lot to look up to in you! I admire your courage and your motherly sacrifice.

  3. I am so proud of you, let me take out my pom-poms and say hurray for you Jessica! You are an amazing woman, and obviously shinning God's light!!! I am proud of your choices and courage, so many others make terrible choices and damage their kid for life. You on the other hand are holding on the God's strength and are living it for us to see.
    Ephesians 1:18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,

  4. It sounds like this woman really wants to work with you, and that she has no ill will toward you. It also sounds like you are willing to give her a chance. Two women willing to work together to create harmony for their children--I think that is God's plan, Jessica. I couldn't be happier for you.