Thursday, October 21, 2010

Counseling: Conflict Resolution

I've started going to counseling with my X every other week for the last two weeks. We're seeing a Christian Counselor, a man. Yesterday, he suggested to my X not to have Hannah spend nights with his girlfriend in her house. He ought to get a hotel. There needs to be someone else, a family member, in the house if they are to spend nights there. The counselor also did not condone the fact that the four of them laid in bed together while watching TV, too intimate. These things my X did with Hannah over the weekend, what I was so worried about.

It also seems that he is not taking Hannah to church anymore when he has her. He explained that Hannah doesn't want to go to his Spanish church and they don't attend church in Orlando. So, she just doesn't go! The counselor explained an interesting statistic. When mothers take their children to church every Sunday, the child has a 50% chance of attending church as an adult. When a father takes their children to church, the percentage goes up to 90%!!! I found that incredible. So, obviously, the counselor encouraged him to make church a priority with Hannah.

Honestly, my X seems to have gone deeper into the abyss. He acted as if he didn't really care what the counselor said. He's going to do what makes him happy. I really shouldn't be surprised by this. All these years, he's pretended to be a God-fearing man, but he was living a double life. Well, now, why live a lie? He has nothing to hide. But my Hannah will have to suffer. That's what kills me!!!

The counselor also explained to me that when it is his weekend with Hannah, she is HIS! I can't demand to him that he take her to church. He said, "That's between him and God." No one can make him do the right thing. This is very humbling for me. He's right. This is something I have to let go. I have to give this burden completely to GOD! He does love my daughter even more than I do, and He will protect her.

The other thing I noticed yesterday was the HATE my X has for me. I don't understand it. He never spoke calmly. It was always yelling and accusing. He used sarcasm and jabbed me when at all possible. It was like he wanted to hurt me. I could feel the HATE radiating from his body. He was filled with anger. At one point, I stopped and turned to him and reminded him, "I am the mother of your child. Where is all this anger coming from? Talk to me like a mature adult." He just yelled even louder.

By the end of the session, I was fighting back the tears. I can't deal with this man. I'm so thankful that I am no longer bound to him in marriage, but it sure is hard to be bound to him through our daughter! One good thing is that the counselor saw the man I've had to put up with for so many years. He was a raging lunatic! Also, I did fairly well at keeping my cool. I must admit, it was hard, being that he was making so many false accusations. Where does he get this stuff!?!?!?!?!

1 comment:

  1. :-( so sorry!!!!!! No words of wisdom..its hard and you are facing it beautifully! I am proud of you!