I’ve taken my time. I’ve done everything I can do to heal from the torment of my past. I began this journey afraid, afraid of being out there again. I felt like I was being thrown out to the wolves. I felt so fragile and alone.
I took it slow, as I tried to regain some respect for men. It was hard in the beginning to separate one man who hurt me so deeply and every other man out there. Aren’t they all capable of lying and cheating? Is there any hope of finding a loyal spouse? How many marriages have I watched falling apart around me, even Christian marriages? Do marriages even last anymore? Why bother looking?
Then, a new season began for me, the season of male friendship. As seen in a prior blog, I allowed testosterone back into my life. Through that sort of friendship, I realized there are still “nice guys” out there.
But now, I must ask myself, “To date or not to date?” Could I be ready to move forward into a new season, where I would actually allow someone the chance to sweep me off my feet? Obviously, my feet won’t be easily swept. I’ve been hurt. I’ve learned to be cautious.
What is dating in 2010, anyway? Will I even know how to do it? Honestly, I didn’t really date even when I was a teen. I was friends with guys, which turned into a relationship. I never had the chance to do the whole dating thing. It sounds exciting, yet at the same time, terrifying. What comes with dating??? I’ve only kissed one man in the last 12 years!!!
It’s not the kiss I’m afraid of. I guess there’s still a part of me that has a hard time breaking the loyalty I had in my marriage. The other part is, with a kiss brings other feelings and emotions…..passion. I am a conservative Christian, who does not believe in pre-marital sex. God created sex as a bond shared between a man and a woman in wholly matrimony. With sex, two people become ONE flesh! When those two people part ways, a piece of each person painfully stays with the other.
It’s also a matter of, if you give that up, what is left to wait for in marriage? I believe that love waits. This is the ultimate sign of respect. Any man who pressures me, will show his lack of respect for my wishes and my body.
These are just some things I’ve thought about as I toy with the idea of dating. Is it time for me to get out there and move on with my life? It’s exhilarating to think that I will be able to fall in love again. I haven’t felt that feeling in a VERY long time, since my X was so cruel to me over the past several years. This is my chance at a new beginning.
But….am I ready?