Monday, February 18, 2013

A Sign of Growth....the Talk

My, has my attitude changed in 3 years!  Once again, my daughter came home from her dad's house talking about a lady friend that's been hanging out with them.  She tells me they hold hands….so, I knew.  Here we go again!  Of course, in the moment I was enraged.  I thought he learned last time that he was to warn me BEFORE bringing his girlfriends around Hannah, so that she could be spared my reaction.  
I could have called him yelling and screaming, which may have been closer to my reaction last time.  But instead, I gave it a few days before deciding to send him a text saying, “We need to talk about your new girlfriend.  I shouldn’t hear it from her.”  He responded agreeing that he had meant to tell me about her, and we would talk.  
Anyway, eventually, the dreaded phone call came.  I prayed in the moment to respond in wisdom, not taking it personally.  I only wanted to ask the questions that pertained to Hannah, only what mattered.  His business is his business, after all.  The one calming factor I had is that Hannah had told me that the girlfriend is very nice.  I could give him a hard time, but legally I have no grounds.  If Hannah likes the woman, is this really worth a battle?  She has no child to muddy the water like the last one.  Really, last time, it wasn’t the girlfriend that was so much a problem, as her daughter.  So, maybe as long as I only hear good things, I should leave it alone.  
The other concern was, should I insist on meeting this woman?  Last time I insisted!  She and I met alone at Starbucks talking for 2 hrs.  It was a nightmare for me, just because all was so fresh and she was the “other woman”.  Did the meeting really make any difference?  I don’t think so.  It only put a face to the name.  Turmoil happened regardless between Hannah and her kid.  So what difference did meeting her really make?  
Shall I wait until I hear a complaint from Hannah before insisting we meet?  These are just some of the many questions racing through my head.  The change I see in me, is that I am much calmer this time around.  Last time was also made worse by an ENGAGEMNT.  The thought of this woman and her daughter one day living with Hannah when she’s with her dad made things more intense.  Thankfully, the engagement was broken.  And it seems that because of this new girlfriend, the old has been put aside, which is a really GOOD thing!  So, maybe this is actually a positive thing, as long as Hannah is happy with her.  
Hannah tells me that she has brought her gifts at times, even giving her a plush cat and card for Valentine’s Day.  So, she’s obviously trying to win her affections.  I feel confident that I have no need to compete with any “other woman”, as mine and Hannah’s bond is so strong.  I don’t feel competition.  I don’t feel intimidated.  I am in a better place now.  I am stronger.  I have done a lot of healing.  I’m thankful for the changes I see after 3 years of allowing God to be in control of all things!  My faith gives me peace.

No comments:

Post a Comment