Saturday, February 2, 2013

What I've Learned Through My Pain

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NASB) "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."
"...our intimacy with the Lord reaches some of its highest peaks when we are at points of greatest personal need. That is exactly why we have to train ourselves to a new view of pain if we are to keep climbing. We must discipline our minds to the notion that all pain can be a school in which one can learn." ~Gail MacDonald
This is something I have meditated on over the past 3 years.  I have experienced great pains of the heart, which God has so graciously consoled.  Sure, in the midst, I did some yelling at God...."Why me?!?!?!” I would exclaim.  God never left my side, even when I felt the most alone.  I always felt His presence.  I never turned away from God.  In fact, I did the opposite.  I made my life revolved around God, alone.  
God was shaping me into a strong woman, who is willing to share her testimony to help others.  God can and already has sent me to intervene in the lives of suffering women to offer hope.  
When my life first fell apart, I couldn’t see past today.  All I could see was my pain.  But 3 years later, I see a courageous woman who is about to finish her Master’s in Mental Health Counseling.  I have learned through my own healing and my education how to be a great Christian counselor.  Imagine the difference I will be able to make as a counselor!  
Spiritually, I have learned to depend fully on God.  I have learned not to focus too passionately about my own desires, but make my desires His desires.  For example, I desperately want more children.  But I realize that may not be God’s plan for me.  I accept that God knows better than I do what I need.  So, instead of worrying about my fertility, I trust that God has a plan to prosper and not to harm me.  I could consume myself with dating and trying to find a husband, but I’m not.  I’m living season by season.  Right now, and for the past 3 years, my focus is on finishing my Masters…after Hannah, of course.  Now that my educational season is coming to a close, I do wonder if dating may fit into God’s plan.  But I’m not worrying about.  I believe God has already chosen a future spouse for me, and we will meet when the timing is right.  If I was to go out and rush things, I may marry the wrong guy.  
My prayers have changed, too.  I used to ask for what I wanted.  Now, I still ask, but ask for God’s will above my own.  I ask seeking His best!  When I need to make a decision, I ask for guidance, wisdom and discernment.  I ask God to make His path for me clear.  I have learned that peace is in the direction God chooses.  So, I wait for the peace.  
I’m so thankful everyday for God’s love!!!  I’m thankful that I will never be alone, for He is always with me.  I’m thankful for God’s grace and mercy in my life.  I’m thankful for the many blessings He has given me.  My God takes really good care of me!  I need nothing more...

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