Sunday, August 22, 2010

No One to Go To

Hannah’s daddy took her to Orlando for the weekend to go to Blizzard Beach. This is the first time he’s taken her on any kind of “vacation” without me. Of course, he brought his sister along to care for Hannah.

I think it’s great that he’s spending quality time with her and making memories together. However, she came home telling me how he left her in the room with his sister to go down to the pool ALONE saying, “Only adults can go in the pool right now.” Basically this means he met up with the woman he has up there, which he’s been driving up every other weekend to see. No, I don’t have proof, but it’s pretty obvious to me. He’s not going to go up to Orlando without “meeting” up with her. His addiction won’t allow it.

I just feel so sick deep down in my gut, just thinking about he’s even doing this on Hannah’s time! I’m sure this is the only reason he brought his sister, so she can be the sitter.

Ok, I know this shouldn’t concern me as long as it doesn’t concern Hannah. But I can’t seem to let it go. I wish I could say I don’t care what he does with his personal time. But it still hurts. How long will I have to remember the pain? How long will these things bother me? Will it ever end? I’m in bondage. It makes me so angry when he lies to me and makes up excuses. Thank GOD I’m no longer married to this man!!! I’m so sad that he will always be Hannah’s father. I wanted better for her.

In the meantime, while I’m feeling all this pain, I don’t have anyone to talk to. I just don’t want to always interrupt the lives of my friends. They’ve been so good to me through everything. But they have families and busy lives. I don’t want to be a bother. So, for tonight, I think I will suffer in silence. It’ll be a better day tomorrow. Besides, I have my dog and cat. They are the BEST therapy!!!

1 comment:

  1. You are NOT a bother. I am always here whenever you want to or need to talk.